Nelsonblog

Ew.

Just…  'Ew.'

So, let me set the scene.  When Evan wakes in the night- it's usually because he's knotted himself up in his blankets, or hit his head on the bars of the bars of the crib- once he got a leg stuck in the bars, poor guy.

Anyway, my default fix for all of this is to make soothing noises, reposition him and drape a blanket over him.  90% of the time this is enough to put him right back to sleep.

Last night, however, was different.

At around 3:30 AM- Evan started crying.  Okay, this is not uncommon.  Upon entering the nursery the first thing I was assailed with was the stench.  My eyes began to water and my stomach churned.  Phoo-WHEE! That was FOUL.  Yikes.  Looks like we have an MAGENTA-OMEGA level stinky-pants on our hands.  Hoo-boy.

So, like a fool in complete darkness, I reach down into my son's crib so as to soothe his piteous cries.

The substance my digits encountered…  My soul shudders recollecting the horror.  It was clammy.

I turn on the light (using my other hand).

It.

Was.

Everywhere.

In his hair, all over his back, the bedspread, bumper-protector thingy… MY HAND.  There were chunks or rice, beans, Vienna sausages, peas…  Oh, the humanity!

Poor little guy.  If I woke up with poop all over my head, I'd be screaming too. 

Getting his poop-soaked clothes off of him (no article of clothing was unsoiled: onesie, pants, both socks- he was accurate, gotta give him that) while minimizing the additional exposure/distribution of poop to the both of us was a VERY difficult task, especially with the added burden of a 3:30AM befuddled mind and a screaming child.  It included but was not limited to holding Evan upside down by right ankle and swabbing all fresh and partially dried and crusty poop from his back and nether regions.

Wow.  Have I mentioned how fun parenting is yet? 

Eventually I was met with the impossible task of holding a damp, cold, stinky baby in one arm and changing his impressively soiled sheets with the other.   Impossible, you say?

You're RIGHT.  I woke up Sue.  She tackled the sheets and I drew a bath for the baby (poor Evan, he almost nodded off mid-bath once or twice).  Together, we cleaned him up, put on a completely fresh set of bed linen and clothes, sprayed some bathroom freshener and put him right back to bed.  It took us a little over 30 minutes.  That's TEAMWORK, baby.  :) 

All this almost one year from the unforgettable first Pooplosion.  I suppose if we have to put up with merely one pooplosion a year, we're ahead of the game.

Here's hoping tonight will not be quite as eventful.