Nelsonblog

Sue and I brought Evan to church today! We thought that those who have supported us so much should finally get a chance to meet the one they’re been praying for!

I must admit, I really enjoyed the experience of showing off my son to everyone immensely. Cries of ‘Ooh- look at all that hair!’ abounded.
Evan, in turn, endured the attention, cooing and fal-de-ra quite stoically, I’m happy to report. What a great little guy he is.
Sue has been feeling much better today, I think she’s kicked her cold, thank goodness.

We took some great Easter pictures of Evan- He started out not enjoying himself AT ALL, you’ll see- but he calms down at the photoset goes on.  Click the picture below and use the ‘previous picture’ button on the right to see what I mean.

Wow- our lovely boy is one month old today.

He’s doing so well, too. What a cutie, huh?

Here are some pics!

He’s got to be the most adorable thing, I tell ya.

It was a week and a half after Evan came into the world that I was blessed with the chance to finally hold my son.  It was absolutely amazing!  Prior to this day I had only been able to touch my son twice – only able to rest my hand on his leg for a few moments but could not stroke his head or cuddle him when he was upset. 

When we entered the NICU – the first thing we witnessed was that there was no tube in our son anymore – he was breathing on his own.  What a true miracle!  I leaned over him and listened – and I heard his precious little lungs breath in and out the breath of life.  What a wonderful sound!  The song “Breath of Heaven” came to mind – that God was literally filling my sons lungs every time with the gift of life.

Then the moment came – the nurse handed me my son – yep, he was my son.  I think I was holding my breath until I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him to my chest.  I remember the warmth I felt when I finally held him against me – there had been an emptiness there for the last week and a half – and now it had been filled.  The nurse continued to talk – explaining different holding techniques but I didn’t hear a word – all I focused on was my son. 

While I held him tightly my free hand stroked his head, his fingers, his back – it was the first time I was allowed to actually freely touch my son.  I touched his fingers and counted to make sure all ten were there – all ten toes were there as well.

 In addition to holding my son I got to feed him – what a delight that was.  It was the second time he had received a bottle – we took it slowly as Evan was still adjusting to sucking from a bottle and his throat was still raw from the tub being down his throat – but he did great.  I am so proud of him! He sucked down almost the entire bottle.

Even though I didn’t have the chance to hold Evan right when he was born – holding him now is unbeilveable and I will cherish this memory forever.

Back in October of 1998 I met a man – a man that would change my life forever. Yep, I met Chris – I was interning at the company he was just hired at. Who would have thought, that seven and a half years later we would be approaching our five year anniversary and have our very own child? It has been an amazing journey – full of ups and downs, learning how to deal with one another and what it meant to truly forgive and forget and to love someone more then yourself.

I want to tell my husband, the father of my son a BIG thank you for his unending love and support – especially through the last three and a half weeks. Chris is a good husband – we have and continue to learn what it means to be a spouse and partner through life but the last few weeks have been a challenge for all of us – and Chris stepped up to the plate. He has been absolutely fabulous!

Chris has been a support through my entire pregnancy – picking up the groceries, holding me when I cried, etc. – but nothing could have prepared us for what took place March 18th. I try to imagine what it must have been like for Chris – to watch his wife go through labor and to see her in pain and not be able to take it away – and standing tall and strong and being brave for his wife because that’s all he could do right then – though inside he must have had his moment of pain and weakness – but never did he show this side to me – he was my brave solider. Chris was my strength – he counted for my every contraction that came and held my head up every time I had to push. He encouraged me with every push and when the doctor said it was time to go in for a C-Section he wiped away my tears.

And then we were in the O.R. – it became very chaotic and he held my hand through it all. In many ways I was the fotunate one to be laying on the table and not able to see everything that was going on – to see our lifeless son pulled from my stomach and rushed over to a table to receive the breath of life. To see the back of the doctor working on our son – but not able to see what was going on. I remember looking up at Chris throughout the entire surgery – sometimes dazed and confused from all of the noise and he just smiled down at me and when things became really crazy once Evan was out – Chris just held my hand tighter.

I don’t know how he did it – he was a solid rock – in the mist of all the chaos he was my solid rock.

Chris – you are amazing and I’m forunate to call you my husband and friend. You, and God, pulled me through the most intense moments of fear and nerves in my life. Not only did you pull me through the surgery but the days and weeks following I know were a challenge – you had a wife recovering from an intense surgery and the mental aspect of having a sick son – and you stood by the bed of our helpless son and gathered all the information you could – trying to make sense out of all the nonsense that was going on.

You were my nurse and my counselor – you were my life support. We both had to do some growing up very quickly – no one imagines their child in the NICU or all the other craziness that happened – and you took it and did the best you could. I’m glad we have a life time together to share and look forward to raising our son with you – and possibly a daugter down the road (at this moment I don’t think I want any children more after all the drama we went through together – but I’m sure that will change – just knowing that you will be by my side through whatever is ahead of us eases my nerves)

There are so many words to use to describe my appreciation and gratitude for you – I’ll start with ‘Thank you’ and ‘I LOVE YOU’.

So. Sue was taking a shower yesterday and I was tasked with watching Evan. I decided to pick up some of the accumulated mess around the place- but, I had Evan cuddled up against my chest, sleeping like the proverbial baby.

We’ve learned from trial and error, that when Evan is sleeping peacefully cuddled against one of us, he always wakes up for a time when we set him down.

Now, Sue has this nifty baby-sling doodad she’s been trying to use with Evan for breastfeedign, etc. I thougt, ‘Why not?’ and whipped it over my shoulder and… well struggled, really… to stuff Evan into it. Once he was in there, though, he quieted down almost immediately. Then I started to tackle the whole picking things up task-

What a fasctinating experience! It was actually very comfortable- but then I had an epiphany. This has got to be the closest I’ll ever get to experiencing pregnancy! My balance was impaired- I had a delicate baby strapped to my belly (doubly so since I had to be extra careful not to wake him) Bending over was a no-go.

Pshaw- I don’t see what the big deal is.

Just kidding! Sue, please don’t kill me!

Anyway, it was kinda cool. Just had to share.

Current update on how my recovery is going. I started physical therapy today to strengthen my left leg. Doctor’s are not exactly sure how I injured my leg – could have been the c-section, the epidural or the strain of pushing for two hous – but whatever it is I have had less mobility and strength since Evan’s birth. I am fortunate that my leg has increasingly been getting stronger so whatever is wrong seems to be fading away – I have a few physical therapy visits to go to that will hopefully help further strengthen me so I can keep up with my busy son. In addition, my incision is healing up well. I still ache at times and if I go too long without any pain relief it starts to burn a little – but overall every day I see an improvement and have been able to significantly cut back on pain meds. In fact, Evan and I went on our first walk around the block today.

Being a full time mother has been a HUGE challenge. Lack of sleep and a screaming child is not the best combination but we are doing okay and each day is better then the last. Evan is absolutely amazing and beautiful. I love all the sounds he makes, well, most of them. Don’t know how thrilled I am about the new scream he just discovered he can do – but the fact that he’s home and with us is AMAZING!

Thanks again to everyone for their well wishes and prayers. God has been faithful and has seen us through so much and I know that he will continue to watch over us.

Prior to the birth of my son – I felt I was quite brave and could take on the world. Even when things seemed down there was always an up side. But, having a son in the NICU really shook me up. I saw my son almost 24 hours after he had been born -trying to find the words is almost impossible to describe the emotions. My son was hooked up to machines – his little chest vibrated as a machine forced air into his lungs. Each little hand and foot had some type of needle in it for blood transfusions, IV, blood tests and etc. I sat in my wheelchair and again I felt the silence that I had the night before – the room was full of machines beeping and buzzing – yet all I heard was my heart pounding and breaking. This little helpless life relied on machines and God’s grace to get him through every single, precious breath and I couldn’t do anything – I couldn’t even touch my son due to how sensitive he was – it would be another 24 hours before I could rest my hand on his knee for a moment. The emotions overwhelemed me – and all I could do was cry – well, more then cry. I broke into a sob and my body shaked. Chris had to quickly wheel me out of the room as I ‘lost it’.

The only thought I remember in the NICU was – if I could bare my son’s pain and take it away I would do anything – I would give my very life. I remember as a child my mother telling me when I was sick that she would do anything for me – I really didn’t understand what it meant until I stared at my own child. If I could take the strength that I had – my very breath – and transfer it to this little life I would have given it in a heart beat. Being a parent is so full of emotions - so much joy and so much sorrow can be experienced. I was amazed that even though I just met my child I was willing to sacrifice everything for him.

I’m glad as I write this that I know all is well now – that this is just a moment in time that is behind us all and we all have a bright future ahead of us.